I’m feeling unusually refreshed for a Monday. Friday night was spent out drinking with a couple of friends. To avoid unnecessary (and redundant verbosity) the highlights were as follows.
- 7.20 pm. Got picked up by taxi, the driver stating that it would have been much handier for him if I’d walked down to the main road.
- 7.21 pm. Taxi driver seemed unable to comprehend that if I’d done that I wouldn’t have needed him. (1st note to self – remember to fart so hard before getting out in future that taxi driver thinks you’ve shit yourself).
- 7.36pm. Arrive in Heddonism Central. Select bar/restaurant and take seats for the “chat”. The chat involves male bonding type banter which builds up over the next few hours before concluding that all women are psychotic bastards.
- 10.00pm. Shift bar to one where the ladies will get the benefit of our new found wine induced confidence and witty repartee.
- 10.02pm. Bump into a previous incumbent of my job who’s out entertaining what are now mutual clients, though we’re now competitors. I do the shaky hand thing with them and smile a bit before being lumbered temporarily with him. He smells of boke (definition). (2nd note to self – remember to wash or wipe your boke smattered ear next time you end up getting sucked in to a conversation with this dickhead).
- 10.05pm. Became a smoker again for the night. Drink = Dark Side.
- 10.10pm. Customary bullshit and ogling.
- 11.40pm. Change bars. Elbow room now required (and faster service).
- 11.41pm. Arrive at neighbouring bar 20 feet away. On arrival my route to the bar staff is blocked by an English soap star. I badger him into ordering for me which allows me chat up his girlfriend who turns out to be from my hometown.
- 1.05am. Although my “humility” script for ego-centrics is quite good I eventually run out of things to say to said soap star. He was beginning to see through lines such as “It must be a very interesting job you have, opening supermarkets ….”.
- 1.45am. Get picked up by same taxi driver.
- 1.58am. No, I don’t want to be dropped off at the main road you decaying old fucker.
- 2.05am. Nod. (3rd note to self – as soon as you hear yourself saying “I’m just going to have a quiet night” you’ve just given the evening the kiss of death. It’s as predictable as Abracadabra and a puff of smoke or Bush lying when he opens his mouth).
- Saturday. Drag out hangover until at least 5pm. Deny to everyone you have a hangover even though they can still smell the drink off your breath. Convince yourself your liver doesn’t hurt, it’s mind over matter.
Damn, that sounds familiar… ish.
Very pretty Guinness you have there, by the way.
All seems to be in order here. Carry on.
ps – I assume you procured the soap star’s girlfriends “digits”?
Welcome to my world.
Wanna come to the AA meeting with me?
I woke up the baby because I was laughing so hard at your 1st note to self.
Do you watch soaps, Monty? I am fairly certain that if a soap star was standing next to me, I wouldn’t know. I would probably choose that very time to use your 1st note to self.
Very long comment. I’ll cut back next time.
Anna, …and it is, as they say, good for you.
Loach, what sort of man do you take me for? ‘ Course.
Steph, as long as we call in to a couple of bars on the way.
Sarah, I knew him from flicking, he’s a lead character. Snogged Patsy Kensit. Say no more.
And Sarah, feel free to to be verbose, just don’t wake the baby.
Did he smell like puke, or Bailey’s? Guess it doesn’t matter since they pretty much smell the same to me.
Now that’s a word I haven’t used in a long time – “Boke”
Must say I liked the 3rd definition in the Urban Dictionary. Funny.