The Queen releases a New Year’s Honours list today. I’m not on it, again. Being the bigger man, however, I have decided to come up with my own alternative New Year’s Dis-Honours list, not that I’m the sort to bear a grudge or anything.
Awarded M.H.O.s (Muppet of the Highest Order)
Britney Spears – for believing that we’re so stupid we really do think she’s actually singing live. The Matrix mic would suit you better working in a call centre love. In fact, I’d start to get some practice in now. Oh, and stop showing your scabby flange.
Mariah Carey – most of the above (excluding flange flashing) except a bigger crime in your case as you can actually sing. Mariah, just a snippet of information….only 3rd world dictators think it’s normal to instruct a flunky to hand pick 5 thousand petals and lay a path of them from your suite to the bath. Royalty doesn’t do it.
Heather Mills – how much charity work have you done this year then? And I mean apart from the £25million you raised yourself. On a positive note if you became permanently mute you’d instantly become 10 times more attractive, or as my mate would say, doable. Just saying.
Amy Winehouse – psy-cho-ther-apy. (Washing now and again wouldn’t hurt either).
Fuckwit husband of Amy Winehouse, Fielder-Civil whatever – I’m sending you a £100 megadose of the best brown around. Recommend taking it all at once. Bye.
Gordon Brown – “no more boom and bust” eh? How does a Labour chancellor manage to adopt a more pure version of monetarist policy than Margaret Thatcher? You have fucked this country for the next 5 years. Thanks for that.
The D.U.P. – for continually producing the highest quality of small minded conservatives who are so far off the track they can’t even understand why the things their M.P.s says offend. Iris Robinson, Ian Paisley Jr, spring immediately to mind.
Premier League managers – stop whining. And if you watch the replay you’ll see you were talking out your arse. (Martin O’Neill excepted).
I could go on……and on….and on.
Anyway, Happy new year to all visitors (including the aforementioned who will find their way here from the referral links).
Heather Mills is a scary one. Did you read the “you’ve been Heathered” letters? Happy new year to you.
Oh on a side note I have moved my blog to here: http://checkraise2.blogspot.com/
HA!Wow.
I would very much lose in a battle of words with you. You would bury me.
I am a bit scared of you now.
Happy New Year! :)
ah see you’re back aren’t ya……I detect the usual bitterness and loving of life there that we all missed……awesomeo
So So true… Thanks for the giggles. Have a Happy New Year. Best to you in 2009.
Laoch, happy new year. Blogger will be more fun than MSN Spaces.
Terri, I haven’t tapped a drop here of the venom I save for those in real life that deserve it. On a good day I’m a piece of work. On a bad day I murder whole families and then eat their still-beating hearts. Tonight I’m just prone to extreme exaggeration.
manuel, bitter, yep. Miserable fucker. That’s me.
Leigh, happy new year.